Thursday, December 10, 2009

It finally happened

So that crashing and burning I was waiting for, finally came, Monday night in the form of what started out as innocent happy tears.
My GF SS sent me a BEAUTIFUL ornament she had personalized from Things Remembered. I start blubbering happy tears, so happy that someone else though of my Elliot....then I couldn't stop....and when I say I couldn't stop, I literally couldn't stop. I left a trail if snot and tears across my bed, (I know, how gross) I had to change my sheets. Kept DH up all night, got about 2 hours of sleep, and that's being generous! Walk into work Tuesday and started blubbering right away at my boss. God Bless him!!! We talked for a while and he gave me some supplements to help me sleep at night, all natural herbs, which is cool, I hate taking stuff to sleep.
My sis had to bring me my xanax to work cause I still couldn't stop. My head hurt, my eyes hurt, my cheeks hurt, my nose was was AWFUL!
BUT I am lots better now, course I would hope after about 24 hours of crying!!!
Now for a funny!
So I actually got a few hours of sleep Tuesday after my breakdown. And about 3 o'clock am I started dreaming about my Ex brother in law. I was dreaming he was supposed to be watching my sis' 5 kids and was no where to be found. So my sis and her bf went upstairs to search for him. While up there, he comes waltzing into the room and my oldest nephew starts yelling "here he is, here he is." (The funny parts coming, I promise) Well BIL grabs nephew by the shirt and I SCREAM "Take your F'ing hands off him or I'm going to kill you!" Well apparently, the "I'm going to kill you" part, I said out loud. DH woke me up in a panic and of course I had no idea what he was talking about for a few minutes, until after I got my bearings. So now there's a big joke that we upped DH's Life Insurance and I'm going to knock him off. He even threatened to sleep in the bedroom with the doors locked! He said I sounded so angry that it actually scared him. He said he slowly opened his eyes expecting me to be standing over him with my gun or a knife and all he could think was "what the hell did I do now." How funny is that!!
I also have to say that I have some awesome GF's. They are so understanding and loving and all acknowledge Elliot and it is just AWESOME!! Thanks girls, you know who you are!!!


  1. I had a moment like that about three months after Calvin died. I started crying one night on the couch and the next thing I knew, I was screaming and sobbing and I couldn't stop. Literally. I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life, I thought I was going to die. I think it's just the most wonderful thing of your friend to remember to honour Elliot this Christmas. It was very sweet of her. We all need friends like that to support us when we are grieving. Hugs

  2. lol...I've had dreams like that since Shealyn. My dream are very violent. I feel bad for DH because of course he is the victim of my late night terrors. God bless our husbands.

    That was very sweet of your friend.

    And glad you were able to cry like that. Crying weather its happy tears or sad can help a great deal.

  3. unfortunately I think that's to be expected from time to time. I can be sitting at my desk working away and all of the sudden no warning I'll start crying. Sometimes the crying can be purging though so it's no always a bad thing. thinking of you.


  4. I agree with Allison, sometimes you have to just let out those pent up feelings. AFter a couple of breakdowns like that I got to the point where I let myself cry in the shower every morning.

    Glad you got the release, but I'm sure it was fairly traumatic at the time. And you have wonderful friends. (hugs)

  5. Ive had nights like that too. We need those nights. Some days I walk through my day to day routine so numb that I think it builds up and comes out all at once for me. I find that after my night of sobbing that I feel a little better than I did before. *HUGS*

  6. A good cry is a good thing- even if it isn't pretty! That is too funny about you yelling in your sleep.

  7. That was so nice to get that ornament for you.

    And I was cracking up laughing with the whole 'im gonna kill you thing'. Hilarious!!

  8. Glad you have IRL people to remember Elliott with you. Sending you love. Grief is hard, exhausting, and awful. (((Hugs)))