So I am in limbo. I read other blogs about parents losing thier children and while I have a lot of the same feelings, I feel bad because I am not as angry as I think I should be....Does that make sence? I am so sad, it's so hard to get up everyday, but should I be more angry?
I love to look at pictures of Elliot. (His daddy's name is Russell to so we called him Elliot)
And they make cry. I want to look at him and smile, not cry. He was the best thing that happened to us, even though he was taken to early, he was a gift!
Today is a really hard day for me. There is a lot going on with my sister, her 5 kids and psyco husband...I don't know how much more I can handle. I am trying to be strong, but I feel I am about ready to break at any moment, although I would never admit this to anyone close to me.
How do you pull yourself together? Are there a set of strings I can use to sew myself back up, to put the pieces back together? I ask myself that question a lot.
Then the guilt sets in. There are mothers who never get to see their babies alive, or they may only live for a few hours. I had 24 wonderful days with my baby, I should be greatful, but I am hurt. Why would God give us that precious time only to take Elliot away from us.
And now I have a friend in the NICU were Elliot was. We would only be a couple of beds apart and I ask why would this happen to her? Why does she have to go through this too.
And sometimes I feel like I'm so sad, I will forget him, forget the gift he was to us So I got his named tattooed (sp) on my back and I am posting a few pictures of Elliot.
I don't ever want to forget!