Friday, October 23, 2009

What I Miss The Most

So, I had a dream last night that was precious and strange...
I was at work and Elliot was laying on my desk. A client came in, picked him up and he started crying, only you couldn't hear it. I quickly snatched him back and held onto him.
He had his tubes in so I couldn't see all of his face which made me mad, but I'm glad God gave me the opportunity to hold my baby again....
I want to hold him more than anything in this world. Just the thought of that dream brings tears to my eyes, I want my baby boy back, more than anything in this world!!!!
We bought a new car yesterday, it's bitter-sweet, this car was supposed to be for Elliot and now he will never ride in it. I will never get to pack it full of his stuff. I will never get to run late because I am bundling him up to take him somewhere, I will never get to put him in his carseat and watch as he out grows it. I will never get to look in that rearview mirror to see his smiling face looking back at me. I will never get to hear him call me "mommy," or have my heart broken as he crys for me when I take him to his first day of school. My heart is so broken from all of these things, and these are just a few things I'll miss, I could go on forever about all that I am going to miss and it kills me inside!!!!

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