After receiving an e-mail, I decided I need to write a little note to anyone who reads my blog. Please understand that when I write, I am usually at the high of my anger or sadness, whichever it happens to be that day. It's easier for me to write what I'm thinking right then and there, get it on the table and leave it there...It is a release for me. All of the feelings I describe, I feel more often then not, but I am not always that way...And I don't want to always burden Russell or any of my other friends with them. One, most of the time no one knows what to say, which is fine, but it just makes for an awkwardness that I don't need right now....Hurt and anger spreads and I like to be happy and I like for my friends to be happy. Now, if I really feel I need to talk to someone I do. But a lot of times, I just need to get this stuff out of my system, if I don't it's like a poison to my body.
I will in the future try to blog when I am happy, so not everything on here about Elliot is sad and angry...it's just hard to think about him at this point in time without becoming angry, bitter or sad. And I am sure one day I will be able to think about him and smile and not cry, I pray for that day to come everyday...
B
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I think a blog should be a place to be able to put your thoughts no matter if they are sad, happy, angry or whatever. Do not stop blogging when you at a low point - just because it may make someone else more comfortable. They should spend a few days in our lives, in our heads, without their children and then maybe they will understand. Sending you lots of hugs... may your days of smiling when you remember Elliot be here soon - K
ReplyDeleteLosing a child is not something that any parent ever gets over.
ReplyDeleteThat child leaves a hole in your heart that will never be filled again. You will have sadness and pain and anger. Always. You will miss your Elliot always. But the rawness of the pain goes away - slowly. The hole which Elliot has left in you becomes less obvious -- you'll find your way around the hole. And the anger fades. It doesn't fade much, and it fades very slowly, but it does fade.
In the meantime, it's fine to be angry. I am OUTRAGED that my children are dead. I wish I could howl their names on the street - every single day. I wish I could tell every person I meet that my children are dead. I wish I could.
But I just try to get by one day at a time.
And that's all you need to do now.
I agree with the posts above that you should feel as though you can express your emotions honestly on your blog, whatever they may be. With grief comes anger and sadness. You deserve to process your feelings without judgment. Please know that we understand.
ReplyDeleteWrite what you need to write- not what people want to hear!
ReplyDeletewe understand.. some days will just suck.. others might be somewhat ok... and that's just fine
I am also a grieving mom. I lost one of my twin girls in August. You should never have to explain to anyone why you write what you do. This is for you to get it off your chest. I completely understand every emotion you put into your words. Let it out!
ReplyDelete