To my sweet Elliot,
Today is a day to be thankful, although I am finding it hard to be thankful for anything, I need to. I am thankful for family and friends.
I miss you so much today. I thought you were going to be born today, which makes this day that much harder to find things to be thankful for. I imagined Daddy pacing while you were being born and forgetting all about hunting next week as soon as he saw your sweet face. I imagined sleeping with you in my arms and never wanting to let you go. I imagined being stingy with you, wanting you all to myself and people having to pry you out of my arms.
I miss you.
Your headstone will be fixed on Friday, thankfully, I guess one more thing to be thankful for.
Everyday life is such a struggle with you not here...I feel like the biggest failure in the world, the worst mommy ever...hell I don't even feel like I deserve the title "mommy," not today anyhow.
As I was taking a bath I was staring at that scar. That fucking scar that reminds me everyday how much I failed at being a mommy. It reminds me of you everyday, I will always have a scar on my belly and one on my heart, but feeling this pain also reminds me of how much you were loved. Your daddy and I love you soooooo much. You were sooooo wanted, it's hard living life without you....
I love you my sweet angel. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you Elliot.
Love you forever and always,