Welcome to the garden. A place that is only open for bereaved parents. It is our garden, our secret place to come to. A place to remember our children with those who understand us. It is a place to just be, without worry or fear of not being accepted. May you feel safe to share your hearts here in the garden.
So this meeting we would like to talk about where you are. Where are you at in your grief. Has it been years or just weeks since you lost your baby. How are you feeling. How do you hope you will feel in the future. Have you found any peace at all?
It's been a few months now since we lost Elliot...I hate saying lost, I didn't misplace him, but saying since he died, or his death just seems like to harsh of words for now. I don't know where I am in my grief, I go back a forth a lot. Most days I am dealing with utter sadness and lots of questions. Why? is the biggest one. And it kills me that I will never know. I feel like DH and I were robbed of our perfect life. Not that our life is perfect, no ones is, but Elliot was so wanted and so loved and I feel like he was robbed from us, taken for no reason. I still have a lot of anger, I am so angry at God at times, but thankful at others, at least I got to spend some time with Elliot, some parents never get that. I go back and forth A LOT!
I pray for the day that I can think of Elliot and say his name and talk of him with smiles instead of tears.
I have found a little peace, enough that I don't breakdown everyday after work, just a few days a week now...enough that I don't feel like I'm in a constant fog, just a little fog. And I pray for this fog to lift...