So I have become OBSESSED with peeing on things!! LOL Peeing on fertility monitor stick of all sorts and pretty soon on HPT sticks...I have already bought them, just impatiently waiting to use them. Trying to get pregnant again has CONSUMED my life... What did I do before or obsess about before this? ...How did I even function before? What did I do to fill time?
And I hate my body. Please don't beat me up for saying this, but I feel like it is one big hunk of doo-doo! I feel like it has failed me soooooo much in the past year and I am still very angry about it! I have tried taking good care of my body, but it's not returning the favor...and not I am not psychotic, just overwhelmed I guess...
And I have a question for you BLM's in blogger land, is what is happening to us more common than we knew before now, or am I just really under a "dead baby cloud?" Don't take that the wrong way but I feel like everyone around me is miscarrying, having fertility problems or something has happened to their little ones. Maybe my eyes were just closed before now because it didn't concern me? I don't know....but I really don't like it. It's bad enough that I am going through this, but to have people I know and love go through it too? Just isn't right!
Does anyone else ever feel like their memories are fading? I want so bad to hold onto them so much, but feel like my mind is failing me...Like I can't remember the small details I used or they are more foggy than they used to be...and this is sooooo upsetting.
I never want to forget that my sweet Elliot smelled like pineapple chap stick (I don't know why, but he did) Or the way my heart skipped when he held my finger with his tiny little hand, or the day that he opened his eyes and said hello to the world, the same day DH got to hold him and was scared out of his mind, the sweat dripping down his forehead and the look on his face...And although right now I do remember all of this, it feels like an old photograph with a light haze covering everything...
Boy I hope I am not committed for this post, and no I am not smoking any pot!! LOL
I just don't ever want to forget!