Wednesday, January 13, 2010

BFN Enough Said!

So the fertility monitor that has been on HIGH for 13 days showed LOW this morning. And since my cycles have been 27-28 days since having Elliot, I decided to take a HPT today on day 25 of my cycle and got a BFN!!!
Now, I am not totally giving up hope, my cycle was screwy before Elliot was born, so we will wait and see and take another HPT this weekend if AF doesn't visit before then.
I was trying so hard not to get my hopes up so I wouldn't be disappointed, but inside I was PRAYING, HOPING and WISHING for that BFP!!
I go to see a therapist this afternoon and am nervous. I went to one after my dad died and it didn't help, but I am praying that maybe he can do something to help me sleep without meds. I think I have tried everything else....warm milk, melatonin pills, another herbal remedy called Sleep Essentials, Tylenol PM, Xanax, lavender in my pillow case, warm bath, warm bath with lavender...nothing seems to work, even the benadryl that used to put me out like a light only works for about an hour or so...even then my dreams are so vivid I don't feel rested.
Now I did sleep a lot on Monday and yesterday, but I was sicker than a dog! I think my body totally hates me! I have had both flu shots, but my body is sooooo wore down that I am getting sick A LOT! I hate being sick, I don't do sick very well. I am a BIG BABY and I don't have time to be sick, there are more important things to do!! One year my boss paid me out for a year and a half of vacation days that I didn't use, just because I hate missing work....
Sorry for the rant, just frustrated today and hoping that this therapy works. I am sceptical but trying to keep an open mind!

AF Showed up yesterday morning, so we will try the fertility monitor another month and see what happens.
And as far as the was great! I have actually slept two nights in a row. Dr. Wolfgang is wonderful and I will be continuing my sessions until I feel I no longer need it. In just one hour he helped me work through a few things, imagine what he can do if I keep going back! May God bless him...I couldn't do his job, do you realize this man mostly gets to hear the horrible things that happen to people on a daily basis...Anyhoo, I would recommend therapy if you can find a good one...


  1. Sorry about the BFN. It's impossible to not have hope. Just think- you can try again SOON!

    Hoping you like the therapist. I started therapy immediately after I lost my son, and it has helped me to have someone unbiased to talk to.

    The sleep issues stink. Hope you get back on a normal sleep schedule soon.


  2. I am getting ready to test in the next few days. Part of me wants the BFP, and part of me wants to wait for another month or two. How is is possible to feel so conflicted??? Wishing you many, many zzzzzzzs in the coming weeks...

  3. So sorry you have been sick! I really do hope that you start to feel better. ((hug)) I hate those BFNs. Got one Wed but still no AF.

  4. (((Hugs))) from another wakeful bereaved mother

  5. Sorry about the BFN. Hang in there. Keep hoping. I'm hoping for you.