But as I said before, I had to pull myself away for a while. I was so caught up in my grief, and was grieving for every women I saw on here, I couldn't take it anymore.
I am in a better place now, for a lot of reasons.
I started my new job, and can say it is WONDERFUL! I enjoy going to work. I am scared to death of making mistakes, which I have done, but no one is perfect, right? I have discovered the people I worked for for 10 years, are not at all what I thought they were, or had made them out to be in my mind. It makes me sad and angry for more reasons than I have time to go into here!
Here's the funny thing though...my mom came over for dinner last night...and out of the blue she asks me if I have been drinking? WTF? I haven't drank for quite some time, it's not something I do on a regular basis. I actually laughed so hard at her that I started choking and got sick! When I asked what in the world made her ask that, she said, "You haven't stopped grinning since I walked in the door." So I thought for a minute and was like damn, have I been that miserable for that long? And I told her, "It's amazing how you feel when you aren't stressed out all the time." :-)
This new chapter in my life scares the hell out of me. I don't like change, I HATE change, but in this case, I now regret I didn't do it sooner. Then of course all those other thoughts start to come along, like, was it because I was stressed all the time? If I had quit sooner, would he have lived? What would Mother's Day have been like if he were here? Would we have just pretended that it was another Sunday, like any other Sunday? Then reality hits me and I remember to stop torturing myself with these questions, it only hurts....
On to better things:
We shipped our first box of blankets to the NICU at OSU.
A big thanks to my momma and to Lori. With their help we shipped 20 blankets.I participated in the March of Dimes. My team was wonderful and so were all of my friends and family. We raised a little over $800.00 which I think was pretty good considering it was our first year! I can't wait to do it again next year!
We even made shirts for our team Elliot's Angels. Thanks to Lori! (God what would I do without her????)
So now we wait for July to start on Clomid...Anyone have any tips or information that they can give me about Clomid? I am going into detail here, so just a warning...Aunt flow comes on a regular basis, she always has, but apparently I don't ovulate...So how long did you take Clomid before you got pregnant again? How many BLM have had to take Clomid to get pregnant again? Just any real life info would be great!
Doc wants me to lose weight before I see him in July, I know I need to, but at the moment I am struggling with this...
I am going to ask for some prayers here...DH is had applied for another job within his company...please pray for us that he gets this job...Thank you.
And if anyone has any questions, please feel free to ask, I will do another post answering them. I tend to be an over-sharer anyway, so don't be afraid to ask....the thing is, just know I am going to answer and be truthful, so be ready for that!!
Lots of love!
B
